Street Crawlers
by Hellcat
Summary: Yakumo gets ill as she does and alas the poor boys have to get her well. A humorous uptake on what it takes to get a human well again.


**Title:** 'Street Crawlers'  
**Author:** Hellcat  
**Author's Notes:** Pure PWP. What more can I say?!?!  
**Dedication:** Big it up to Falling Angel for the title and to Luna for helping me out with Sago's outfit. You guys rock!  
**Disclaimer:** All characters in this don't belong to me unfortunately. I just fancy playing around with them for a while... So seeing as that I am a poor University student and can't afford it if you sue me then perhaps if you give me a good spanking then all will be well! ^_^  
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She was sick again. There was no doubt about it. The sneezing and the coughing gave it away as did the red puffiness of her skin and the fact that she was hot to the touch.

Who would have guessed that the passing out on a regular basis wasn't normal and didn't count as a sleeping pattern?

"Humans are weird," muttered the smallest Enterran as he looked down at the pale girl with disdain all over his face. "I mean, she gets sick so easily. Whoever designed them had a serious flaw in their plan."

"You have to remember, Mushra. She's not like us. No-one created her to be a slave."

"Hmph!" snapped Mushra. "Well I'm just saying, Sago, if she didn't get sick all the time then we'd get to Shinzo surprisingly quicker."

"Your powers of observation astound me, Mushra," came a dry cutting reply. "Wow, we have a problem."

"What is it this time, Kutal? Your homemade recipes for healing the sick finally kill someone?"

The usually calm and collected feline looked ready to kill their leader. Sago, the pacifist, decided to stay well away from this fight. He casually looked away and played with his lucky coin.

"What are you implying, boy?" Kutal asked through gritted teeth.

"Lets see... You've tried to kill Yakumo, your cooking is horrible... You catching on yet or has all that fur finally got to your brain?"

The feline pounced. A large cloud of dust rose up and covered the brawling duo. Sago watched and listened to the occasional yelps of "Ow!", "Don't put your hand there!" and "Dammit!"

The water sprite couldn't help but snigger.

"Mushra...?"

Sago could have sworn he heard a rather adult curse come from the youngest Enterran's mouth.

"Yes, Yakumo?"

The cloud settled. Mushra was holding onto Kutal's ears, trying to look as innocent as possible and so far was failing miserably, Sago noted, as the Human's eyes narrowed.

"What are you doing?"

Mushra quickly let go of Kutal, stood up and then rested his right arm behind his head before bursting into nervous laughter. Sago and Kutal traded looks which said: 'She's not gonna believe him no matter what he says' and 'Man is she gonna kick his ass!'

Yakumo's verbal lashing of 'We're supposed to be a peaceful bunch, fighting is wrong and if you don't behave, I'm gonna get involved and I'm PMSing at the moment so you'll need stitches if you catch my drift' was interrupted by a rather violent coughing fit, a peaceful sigh and then her promptly passing out into that happy little oblivion they secretly hoped she'd fall into.

So far the day was working out fine.

"I need fuel."

Hacuba - their robotic companion. Yakumo's only link to the long dead human race. Full of useful information except the EXACT location of Shinzo... Oh, and how to keep Yakumo healthy as well.

"I need fuel."

And also the resident 'I need to bitch and moan every five seconds cos I need fuel' piece of machinery.

"I need..."

"All right, Hacuba!" snapped Mushra. "We get the picture!"

Somehow the robot managed to get a look of 'visibly crushed that you snapped at me' on his metallic dragon-like features.

"Yakumo is very ill. She needs medical attention. We must stop somewhere soon or else she may die."

Kutal snorted. "You'd swear Mushra and Hacuba were separated at birth. State the obvious twins! Hah!" he said, his voice full of mirth.

It took a full minute for what the giant yellow cat had actually said to register in Mushra's mind. You could almost hear the inner cogs clicking together in order for his rather broken synapses to make the reasonably dead light bulb spark, flicker and then die completely.

"HEY!!!"

"Oh bravo, Mushra. By George, Sago - I think he's got it!"

Sago grinned at his furry companion and mentally counted backwards from five, for the mini explosion that was due. The eruption was well worth it.

"Listen to me you overstuffed dog toy! I would rather be related to a slug than that tin freak! We're nothing alike and he's a reject from that legendary robot city that Sago keeps muttering about!"

Mushra's rant on why he was superior than Hacuba lasted for about ten minutes. He managed to touch on how his parentage was that of a line of warriors (although the truth of the matter was that he had been abandoned at birth because he was a freakish reminder of the Human race and his parents weren't really ready for the responsibility of a child - they'd rather just shag like rabbits and screw the consequences) and Hacuba's mother was nothing more than a garbage disposal with delusions of grandeur. It was there that the rant ended with "Ow, whaddya do that for Hacuba?" and Mushra rubbing his rear end where the robot had bit him.

"Do not make me go HAL on you Mushra," said the robot menacingly. "Because it will be very painful for you."

The three Enterran's looked at each other with extremely puzzled looks on their faces with the same thought running through their minds. 'What the hell sort of emotion is HAL?' They turned their attention back to Hacuba who sighed before leaping into a description of some guy called Kubrick, black obelisks, killer monkeys and another bloke called Dave who pissed off a computer system called HAL which then in turn went a 'wee bit funny' (or a homicidal sociopath depending on how you looked at it). After going through this three times and not making any progress with the Enterrans, Hacuba settled for "Piss me off and I'll bitchslap you into next week."

Sago and Kutal nodded solemnly in an effort to keep the peace but couldn't help but snigger when Mushra pointed out that Hacuba did not have hands. That led to the discovery of "Oh hell, Hacuba's got a couple of lasers" and a fun little marathon where upon they came to a truce when they ended up at the outskirts of Jelly Town.

Yakumo moaned loudly and the four gave up the 'Kill' and 'Oh hell, we're in trouble now' routine and returned to the original issue at hand. Finding a doctor for the resident invalid or as Kutal affectionately called her - 'The whiny hypochondriac that's worse than me'.

They ventured into the town to be faced with a large number of seedy looking hotels to which Sago smiled lazily and said, "Ah... Bordellos."

Mushra was the only one who didn't get it.

They followed Sago around the streets even though he professed that he hadn't been here before but did know where the local GP was. And wouldn't you know it - there was a non-descript petrol station attached to it.

"That's ah pretty convenient." squeaked Mushra as he stood very close to Sago.

The taller Enterran looked at his now quivering comrade who for some reason, was trying to insert his hand into Sago's.

"What on all Enterra are you trying to do Mushra?"

"There's a woman over there," hissed Mushra anxiously. "She's looking at me funny."

Indeed, across the street, a gaudily painted woman wearing scraps of material was leering at the young boy. Then she saw Sago looking at her and the coy 'I want you over here right now!' look was replaced with her bouncing up and down, waving like a mad woman. The scraps of material flew up and revealed she wore nothing underneath...

And it was not a pretty picture.

"Sago, it's a man!" yelped Mushra.

Sago shuddered before trying to pry Mushra's hands off his legs. He gave up on the vice death grip that was cutting off his circulation and resigned himself to look where Kutal, Hacuba and Yakumo had disappeared too. He saw them at the station, Kutal looking like a true grease monkey - was filling Hacuba up.

And all throughout the process - Hacuba continued to moan. Sago saw Kutal's eye beginning to twitch.

Finally the quartet of living beings and one animated object made their way into the doctor's surgery.

It looked even shadier than the hotel/bordellos.

The waiting room was filled with cigarette smoke and an odd assortment of men and women. Hacuba sniffed in abject horror, rearranged himself and sealed Yakumo away from the killer air.

"Yakumo needs a doctor."

"So? We're at the surgery. What more do you want?"

The robot added a new look to his face. He performed a withering look that would have made Yakumo proud if she had been in a conscious state. Sago, getting the hint, walked over to the receptionist.

"Doctor Wazu's office," she drawled. "How can I be of service?"

"Our friend is ill." he stated.

"And?"

"We... Need... An... Appointment..."

"And... What... Disease... Does... She... Have?"

Sago looked at the woman. "I don't know, that's why we're here."

The woman cocked an eyebrow. "You do realize what sort of clinic this is, don't you?"

Sago shook his head. The woman leaned over the desk and whispered in his ear.

"Oh..."

She smiled politely in reply.

"Look could you just bend the rules once? I mean we need her and if we don't have her, then everything will be lost!"

"That is so sweet! I've never met someone that cared so much about one of their girls before. I'll see what I can do."

It didn't actually occur to Sago, until he was back in the corner with his friends, that the receptionist thought he was a pimp. He couldn't help but laugh.

The others of course just put it down to the smoke getting to him.

A few minutes later, the receptionist beckoned them over. She gave them directions to the room where the doctor was awaiting them. She also informed them that the cost for this visit would be considerable.

Each stood firm in their resolve... When it came to Yakumo, money was not an issue.

Until they saw the bill, that is.

They tried to bargain with the doctor but unfortunately his alternate request of Kutal's left arm, Sago's right leg and Mushra's brain wasn't exactly the best alternative offer of payment.

Sago called a group meeting and the three huddled together in an effort to come up with a fast money-making scheme. The plan they came up with wasn't exactly the best idea they'd ever had but at least they wouldn't lose limbs...

They hoped.

So there they all were (well except for Yakumo and Hacuba - who were classed as spoils of war until restitution was made) standing on a street corner.

Kutal was wearing a lime and orange plaid pimp-daddy suit which was off-set with a matching lime hat (with orange feather) and black and white dress shoes.

Mushra, the fireball of the group, was wearing a strapless red dress with chunky red-six-inch-heels. He'd gone overboard with the rouge on his cheeks.

Sago on the other hand, refused to come out from under his cape. So far he'd gone Hyper - otherwise his outfit wouldn't have matched him all that well.

Kutal appointed himself the voice of reason as Hacuba was indisposed.

"Face it Sago - you're the one that'll bring in the money. I mean come on; nobody will want that dwarf Mushra."

"Exactly right, Kutal. Nobody will want... HEY!"

Before a brawl could start - Sago let the cape drop.

"Ye gods, man! You're beautiful!"

"Wow, Sago, you're one SEXY bitch!" said Mushra with a wink.

Sago scowled. His outfit consisted of an Off-The-Shoulder-Blue-Short-Dress, glitter make-up and Thigh-High-Pointy-Toed-Twelve-Inch-Stiletto-Fuck-Me-Boots.

"Start shaking your money-maker bitch!" said Kutal with a smirk as he slapped Sago on his ass.

Business was great. Kutal was literally rolling in money, Mushra looked bored to tears and Sago looked like he needed many years of therapy.

All was right with the world as they paid Doctor Wazu and got a happy, smiling, benevolent, smarmy do-gooder human and her bi-polar robot back into the swing of things. The fighting between Kutal and Mushra resumed and for once - Yakumo was fine with it.

"Mushra?"

"Yeah?"

"Why is Sago curled up in a little ball, shaking like a leaf?"

"Oh he's just having bad flashbacks to when he worked as a hooker."

"Ok... Well could you tell me why you're in a dress then?" 

"It makes me feel pretty."

"Right..."

Yakumo retreated back into her happy little shell of an existence, Kutal took up pimping as a job on the sly, Mushra discovered his love of women's clothing and Sago... Well he got a shit-load of therapy.

When Mushrambo finally formed, all he was concerned about was if his nails went with his hair and managed to defeat his enemies easily after they said his sword made his ass look big.

Oh and as for Hacuba, every second Tuesday he tries to take over the world.

Everything was fine.


End file.
